I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
