this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
