Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
