dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
