Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
