I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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