if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
