haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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