According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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