I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
