I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
