i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
