Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize