Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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