i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
