I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
