It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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