I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have fence marks all over my body
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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