I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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