On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize