i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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