im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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