So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize