Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
