I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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