i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
