Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
