my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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