So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
