There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
