There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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