The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
