I puked a lego.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
