and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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