i just google imaged poop.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
