Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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