so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
