don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
