She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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