Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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