I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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