why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
