Walk of Shame. In a state park.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize