Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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