i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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