matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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