Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
