I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
