i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
