singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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