You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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