The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
