im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
