Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
