Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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