Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
