Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
