Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
