I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
