That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
