Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
