Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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