thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
