Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
