i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
