i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ate ashes out of my bong
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
