God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
