well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
