I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
