She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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