i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
