Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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