I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
