PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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