We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
