____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
