Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
